Thursday, June 28, 2012

True Power in the form of a Dominant

by Sascha Illyvich

Welcome to my world.  I'm an erotic romance author with thirteen years of Lifestyle/BDSM experience and am going to share with you what I think makes a successful dominant outside of our reading experiences in erotic bondage

What makes a successful man?  If we’ve muddled through Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, we’ve probably figured out a great sleeping method!  The book was written in 1920 something and language-wise, was a sleeper.  But there are factors here that help us define the successful man and Dominant in BDSM too.  But most of you are probably readers of erotic romance

The following factors I believe are key to writing successful dominant men in erotic fiction:

Confidence – In himself first and foremost.  If he can handle any situation that comes his way, then he can obtain his life’s dreams, which may include that woman who is just for him and the family they want.  When a man is confident, his image clearly demonstrates that.  His actions demonstrate that.  In any Lifestyle choice, the man must be confident of himself.  He's allowed to not know answers, that's just part of learning.  But a successful male or female dominant exudes confidence, not ego. 

A healthy Ego – Ego driven by desire helps get the ball moving in life.  I desire something so strongly that I’ll do anything to get it.  Ergo, so will our dominants.

Desire or Passion – Not just passion for the Lifestyle or regular bullshit, if we don’t desire anything, what is there for us? 

Purpose – A man with a purpose is aware of himself and why he’s here.  He doesn’t spend time questioning himself.  He knows where he's going and who should accompany him on the journey as the submissive gives him a special gift that will empower them both. 

Support – From loved ones.  From anyone who constructively helps and motivates us. 

A sense of right and wrong – Notice I did not say morals.  Morals are subjective to different whims. One of my Dominants wants me and another male. By “moral” standards, that’s wrong.  I don’t get how but some folks don’t see it that way.  However, we both have a sense of right and wrong.  No child harmed, always try to do best for everyone involved, etc.  A man with a sense of right and wrong trusts his gut.  More often than not, he’s powerful in his own right.

Lastly, successful Dominants aren’t afraid of Failure. They understand that it’s an event that triggers a learning experience and a chance to grow.

In my upcoming release Menage Bound, Jason and Chase are two strong, successful men who seek reaffirmation that the oddity of the relationship they share with a woman is acceptable.  Siddella seeks two strong men who know what to do in and out of the bedroom.  With her grueling corporate job, she's lacked support in the areas of her life that count.  When presented with Madame Eve's 1Night Stand service, she jumps at the chance to find a fulfilling fantasy that may last only for a night. 

But will Chase and Jason see the full potential in Siddella?  

**Leave a comment for a chance to win an ebook of your 
choice from Decadent Publishing!**


  1. Hi Sascha,
    thank you for the chance at such a great giveaway and for the wonderful post. i think that except for one or two of the more D/s points above this is what everyone hopes to find in their mate.if that' a man, woman or both. all good qualities and all things we should strive to live up to in ourselves also.

    tammy ramey

  2. Love the cover.Sounds like a great book.
    Thanks for the giveaway

  3. WOW! Thanks for the good qualities. These are definitely things to look for.
    bournmelissa at hotmail dot com

  4. Hi Sascha , that was a great interview. I loved the run down of thr qualities of a good Dom.looking foward to reading this .

    lorimeehan1 @aol .com

  5. Sounds so good! Love it! Menages...*sigh* :D Thank you for sharing! Cant wait to read this!