Friday, March 23, 2012

Is BDSM more acceptable than it used to be?

by Casea Major

Are some aspects of BDSM( Bondage/discipline, Dominance/submission, Sadomasochism) becoming more socially acceptable?

To me it seems so.

In recent days, a certain book containing BDSM elements has been in the eye of mainstream media and risen to the top of bestseller lists. There is much division regarding the depiction of the BDSM lifestyle within the story but those issues aside, this rise in popularity has me thinking – is mainstream ready for bondage and discipline?

Last year Rhianna's hit S & M rose to the number one spot on Billboard's Pop Chart and stirred some controversy in its wake. Still banned in 11 countries and the title changed for the UK release, the song depicts strong BDSM elements.


It seems the idea of BDSM isn't as taboo as it used to be. But is the jaunt into mainstream just a passing fad or is it the result of a mainstream cultural softening toward the ideas of Dominance and submission and the acknowledgement that there can be correlation between pleasure and pain?
In my new 1Night Stand story, Night with a Dom, my heroine Melody Manning explores the possibility of pleasure in submission.

Night with a Dom 
Blurb:
Melody Manning’s workaholic ambition, coupled with a slave-driving former boss, has made her the youngest market analyst in her firm. It’s also killed her personal life, including losing her fiancĂ©. When she receives a message from him on New Year’s Eve announcing his engagement to another woman, Mel loses it. Her new, more compassionate boss has the perfect solution for her—get laid. Good and laid.
At his suggestion, she signs up with the 1Night Stand service, listing her deepest sexual desires on the application.  A speedy response from Madame Eve has Melody on her way to Sonoma Valley wine country and a one-night stand with a mysterious Dom.

The sexy, masked Master promises to get to the bottom of her guilt and provide ultimate satisfaction under the safety of his stern hand. After an emotional night of submission and uninhibited passion, will her lover’s unmasking lead to the end of their encounter or give Mel another chance at love?

I want to hear your thoughts whether you're in the lifestyle or don't even know what BDSM stands for. Leave me a comment and weigh in.

 

28 comments:

  1. I'm a new reader to the 1NS series and I'm completely addicted. This one will go on my to-read list for sure.

    I'm not in the lifestyle nor do I want to be. I don't have a submissive bone in my body. But, I read to escape and maybe fantasies about deep dark desires that are out of reach. As for the the BDSM book that everyone is talking about, I've read the Fifty Shades Trilogy twice, and I love the story. I believe that the idea of being tied up and spanked turns many women on weather they want to admit it or not. Times are changing, erotic romances are becoming very popular, maybe soon BDSM won't be taboo at all.

    As for that video, I thought it was awful, but that's just my opinion.

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    1. Thanks, Tamaria! I hope you enjoy Night with a Dom. I am amazed at how readily mainstream embraced the ideas of FSoG. I read the first book several months ago and enjoyed it but I write erotic romance. When some more conservative friends of mine said they enjoyed it, I thought "Holy cow! BDSM is going mainstream. I for one am glad for the honest discussion.

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    2. *sighs* You DO realise that not just women are submissive, right?

      The problem as I see it as that a BDSM relationship *should* be one of trust. How can you trust a guy (or a girl) after one date? I can suspend my belief on a lot of matters, but not this one.

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    3. It's very clear why the heroine trusted the hero. Suspension of disbelief didn't apply in this case, as the reader discovers if she reads the book. Casea did an excellent job of dealing with the layers of her heroine's relationship with the Dom.

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    4. Casea's beautiful handling of the trust issue is why she's getting such positive comments overall, I believe. And why I am so touched by the relatonship in the story. Give it a read, Misa, and see if you don't agree.

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    5. Trust is conveyed in a number of ways even if only briefly and for certain acts. I have had a few players in my 14+ years of experience where we talked about a scene and acted it out only after the one time meeting or talking. Did that instill ultimate and complete trust? No, but I was trusted enough with that person to do as agreed upon.

      What REALLY matters here is the caliber of writing - can Casea's writing convince you of the realism of the scenario? Having Valerie as her editor, I know they would have addressed this, so yes, give the book a chance.

      To answer Casea's original question, yes it's slowly coming into the mainstream, yes the Rhinna video sucks (just not a fan!) but Bondage has ALWAYS been popular. My largest selling titles have been bondage oriented, male dom, female submissive (because that's what sells) and with things like social media, Fetlife and the like, we're able to connect to kinky people in ways unthought of just a few years back. Good job Casea.

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    6. LOL Figures you wouldn't like Rhianna's vid!

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    7. I'm stunned at the way my BDSM romance took off both in America and in the UK. Like M/M romance, it's something secret, forbidden, and we are curious. So, I'm glad to provide my insights into different aspects of the lifestyle in my books. As for building the trust after one night, I'd take that out of the BDSM context and look only at can this happen between two PEOPLE. The answer is absolutely. I've taken those leaps of faith and experienced wonderful things because of it. And as Sascha also pointed out, the author's ability to deliver a happily ever after for now (HEAFN) seems to be solid. The woman wasn't physically, emotionally, or psychologically injured. Her partner showed her proper care and concern to take her though the scene safely and the woman received the answers and satisfaction she sought from the liaison. That absolutely is trust.

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    8. BDSM as a whole is getting more airtime in mainstream media then I can remember not just "Glam fetish" aspects of the lifestyle.

      Many women do find the idea of being "tied up and spanked" a turn on

      What's great is that more women now feel that they can verbalize it without being chastised, as for the reverse we have some ground to cover still

      *should*"ing" on individuals' paths to arousal does not create an atmosphere of respect or openness

      The human brain is labyrinth and so are the paths to arousal which differ among us. Some find the unknown stimulating and seek the sexual thrill from such encounters. Fiction provides safe exploration.

      Not all BDSM practitioners are in a relationship. Some seek out fetish clubs, parties (play, private or black sheet) and referrals etc…

      There are Doms/ProDoms that have subs, that aren't their "partner". Based on the Dom/ProDom's reputation or referring individual a D/s might agree to enter a scene.

      Night with a Dom is a delicious bottom heating read!

      Mason

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  2. While I have not read FSoG, I have read many other BDSM stories, and very much enjoyed them. I understand the lifestyle is not for everyone, but there are varying degrees as to how involved people can become.

    I very much look forward to reading One Night With A Dom. Congrats on your new release!

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    1. Thanks, Jessica. I appreciate the support. Yes - I enjoy the naughtier side of romance on occasion, too. ;)

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  3. Congrats on your new release and I look forward to reading the book in the future. The excerpt is great..*S*
    I love the One Night Stand series, and also enjoy bdsm genre. I enjoy reading the stories as they reveal the amount of trust between the both people, and if readers pay attention there is a deep emotional connections between those involved in bdsm. It's is a lifestyle I am not in, nor do I think I could as I'm not a young thing anymore, but I'm certainly not dead yet either as I'm over 40. I have a great respect for all the authors who do all the research before they write the stories.
    Again...thank you for sharing about your book, and I look forward to reading it in the future. :)

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    1. Thanks, pommawolf. This genre is so fun and emotions run deep. I do hope that people see that from the story.

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  4. I love this topic. Again Casea congrats...I cannot wait to read your 1NS.

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    1. Thanks, Nikki. I appreciate your support. Hope you enjoy your Night with a Dom.

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  5. I do think some aspects of BDSM are becoming more acceptable in mainstream society. I think it's the so-called forbidden allure that grabs people's attention, especially when they know nothing about the lifestyle. Once they know a little more about the subject, it's sort of demystified and the taboo aspect disappears when taking into account all interactions should be safe and consensual.

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    1. Oh, and congrats on your new release! I loved what I read so far!

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    2. Thanks, Lisa! I love that there is open discussion about the subject.

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  6. Congratulations on your new release.
    I have Night With A Dom on my Kindle and I'm loving it!

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    1. Thanks, Brenda! I'm so glad you are enjoying the story.

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  7. Hi, Casea! I do think BDSM is getting a bit more publicity and is some of it is becoming more easily accepted as simply another choice. I only know what I've read, but it seems that BDSM covers a wide range of practices, and that at the core, a good relationship requires trust and communication, just as non-BDSM relationships do. Looking forward to reading Night With a Dom!

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    1. Thanks for the comment, Fierce. You are right. All good relationships require trust and communication.

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  8. I think for many it's getting more mainstream. Or is that wishful thinking, lol. Trust and communication is key.
    Congratulations and good luck!

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    1. Thanks for commenting, Anya. I think so too.

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  9. I agree that BDSM has become more acceptable. I think more people than not know what a safe word is now. Ten years ago I don't think that was the case. As many have said, trust is a huge part of any relationship, but even more so in BDSM; however, this is a unique situation in that the Dom/hero has been screened by Madame Eve - no real difference between this and signing up for a beginner's scene at a club. He is not just Joe Blow off the street, and he also does not ask for or push for more than a beginner is ready to handle. After reading this, I have to say it is sexy and endearing and you handled it very well, Casea. Congrats on your release. It really is a great read.

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  10. Congrats on the release!

    Will we still be friends if I tell you I'mn not a fan of the lifestyle? Sorry, doll. But you're an awesome writer, and I hope you sell a million!

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  11. Congrats to writers like you who are shedding light on BDSM in relationships and taking it out of its shadowy reputation. I look forward to reading your latest!

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