My name is Bunny and I’m your host today on the 1Night Stand blog. Once a month I find a poor sap, I mean victim, I mean interviewee, to sit in my hot seat. Today I have Doctor Lukas Gerard from down under.
No wait. Don’t go throwing your shrimp on the barbie just yet. Dr Gerard is all about going deep—into the earth that is. One wonders why a perfectly good specimen such as Dr. Gerard, feels the need to crawl around in the dark and dirt, but then again, there is much to say about dirty boys—they need showers, and lots of them.
Welcome Dr Gerard. *Glances down at his boots*
Hi Bunny, Thanks for inviting me to your…parlor?
Don’t mention it. You can come visit any time.
Let’s get on with the chat, shall we?
What size boots do you wear? I must say those are rather impressive. I have a thing for big—shoes. So, do tell. Is there any correlation between the size of a man’s.... Oh stop looking at me that way. I’m not the only one thinking it. Look out there in the audience. That blonde over there is waiting with baited breath for the anwser. So big boy, is there?
Size 14…and there is no scientific proof to back up your implication. But I will say I’ve never had any complaints.
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Virgin Under Ground? Mmmm. Was your date your first, you know, virgin? How’d that go for you? If you’re looking for a woman with a tad bit more experience that is familiar with magma, I might be able to hook you up with a really cute single demon.
I’ll have to take a rain check. Jane might object. Does she have any prepping skills? There’s always room for someone who can can whole chickens and make eggs last up to a year without refrigeration.
Ugh. Can? I think not. Does this manicure in any way reflect that I do manual labor?
*Sighs* You don’t know what you’re passing on, but you can forget food preservation if you want to set me up with one of your nerdy buddies. Now, I do have some serious skills with shopping, and could get you some good deals on whatever your little heart desires. Just a teeny, tiny contract involved, and a little signing in blood. It doesn’t hurt much, I promise.
So I understand you like rocks. I hear you have a gold mine? Any diamonds or gemstones? I once had this boyfriend, he bought me a diamond cuff, and all kinds of jewels. Let me tell you, I milked that relationship for all it was worth. After a while, he got too clingy and wanted to give me a diamond ring. When I told him I just didn’t see a future with him, he wanted all of it back. So I shoved him in a lava pool.
Well then he probably dissolved quickly. Especially if it was Hawaiian lava which is much hotter. Now if it was from somewhere like Mt. St. Helens it would be about 200 degrees Celsius cooler, but that’s still close to 2,000 degrees. So it doesn’t matter, you killed him.
No, not the Islands. Daddy has this lake in hell. Have you heard of it? It’s quite the tourist attraction. We get quite a few lawyers and telemarketers, and a couple of ladies from the DMV. It’s a hot spot. You should check it out sometime. Very exclusive resort.
As for the ex.... *Shrugs* No big loss. We just weren’t meant to be. I just can’t stand it when a man starts talking commitment. Like I want to see him walking around my house for the next twenty years in his undershorts and sock, scratching his ass and belching. Jewels are much more agreeable, don’t you think? The saying is true; diamonds are a girl’s best friend. We’re real buds and nothing gets between me and my jewels. Men come and go, but diamonds are forever. I know where my priorities lie. I have a thing for men with big rocks. *Eyes Dr. Gerard.*
But enough about me. What hobbies do you have, besides digging in the earth? Anything apocalyptic? End of days? I am so into the whole end of days thingie. Really I am. It’s just so...me. I once dated one of the four horsemen. Do you know them?
I…what? Horsemen? There are quite a few horse owners in the Reno area, but I spend most of my time either on campus or at my bunker. I mean at home. Of course at home…working on my inventions. My latest would probably have interested your late boyfriend. A flame resistant suit that will protect the wearer in very high temperatures. It hasn’t been tested in a lava lake yet, but if you are dating anyone now he might want to volunteer to beta test it.
Oh, you have a sense of humor, I like that. Let’s move onto the next question, shall we?
Have you ever stood under a garden hose and washed the dust from your naked torso?
I happen to have brought one with me today, if you’d like to give it a whirl.
What? I don’t think I’m dusty just now…why are you unbuttoning my shirt?
Oh come on. It’ll be fun. *Twists and pulls green hose from shopping bag.* I got it on clearance last spring, but it’s still in working order.
Okay. *Bites lip* You’re sure?
Fine. We’ll talk about your date. My bad. Back on topic then.
Tell me about the questionnaire you completed for your little date. What attributes were you looking for in your one night stand? Do you like horns? A little tail?
Never complain about a girl who looks good walking away.
I look good coming too, if you get my drift. Ah, yeah. Back to our chat. You’re a scholarly one, aren’t you? Let’s see what was her name again...? Lucy? Was she everything you thought she’d be?
Jane. And then some
Hmm. Well, beggars can’t be choosers, now can they?
I think you’re twisting my words.
That’s what demons do, dear. If you dance with the devil...you’ll get ridden hard and put away wet, or something like that. At least in Bunny’s world, that’s the way it goes. Okay, let’s get to the quickies. You like quickies, yes?
About the speed your ex dissolved?
Pretty close, try to stay with me, okay?
Brains or beauty?
A beautiful woman with brains since you’ve asked.
Lips or eyes?
Oh good one. I’ll talk to you later about this. Stick around after the show.
Top or bottom?
I like you. A lot. Do you have any stalkers?
I don’t think so…but we young, brainy professors do attract the occasional pretty co-ed.
Want one? A stalker, not a pretty young co-ed.
You? Maybe…you do look pretty hot sitting there. I’ll see if my lady would like to spice up our love life. Although it’s pretty steamy with just the two of us…wouldn’t want me to combust would you?
Are you suggesting...? *Blinks* Why you wicked little devil. I’ll take that as a yes. I’m a certified stalker, but the chick has to go. I work alone. Like I said, stick around after the interview.
Well that about wraps up our time. Thanks for stopping by today. Don’t mind the GPS I tossed in your Jeep. It’s there for scientific purposes only. Research. For my dissertation. *raises hand* I swear on it. I’m studying the...geo thermal properties of, um, this mountain in Nevada. I hear it gets hotter the deeper you go, and I like hot. Very hot.
Just how deep do you go, Dr. Gerard?
Wouldn’t you like to know, Bunny.
Just so we’re on the same page here, I have ways of finding out, so don’t tease a girl. K? You really, really don’t want to tease me.
Okay, the guy at the camera is making some obnoxious motion that I have to go. Be sure to come back in February to see who gets to sit in my “special chair.”
To find out more about Dr. Gerard’s and his date, check out this tell all exclusive, Virgin Underground. Kate’s Website or Decadent Publishing.com