Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Setting your Limits

By Erykah Wyck
There has been so much talk and controversy lately about BDSM. Some good and some bad. So many women have read a certain book (one which I will not name here for it doesn’t need my free advert) and they say they want a man just like that hero. But those who might be termed vanilla might wish to learn more about BDSM before allowing someone to whip them. Saying to your husband I read this seen and it was so hot, isn’t always a wise decision.

There are so many places to start. Safe words, color signals all important but what about your limits. Do you know them?  If you are new to lifestyle, it’s doubtful. And what do you do when a soft limit becomes a hard limit?

Soft Limit: A limit that the Submissive or the Dominant set. And altho
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ugh this is a limit now you might be interested in changing it at some point.

Hard Limit: Absolute no. This is a place that you have no interest in going or trying. These may be limits set by medical reasons. This is a deal breaker. 

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Each person’s limits might be different for some their hard limit is someone else’ssoft limit.  For me a hard limit is anything involving mutilation, needles, piercings, or blades. But for some that’s a soft limit.   What you need to do is research what you want to do with your partner. If your partner is new to the lifestyle too then it’s even more important that they understand your limits and what they mean.  They need to make sure that they are doing things safely. It is both parties responsibility to keep the submissive safe.  There are classes out there to teach Dom’s their art.  It’s in everyone’s best interest to be the best they can be.

So what are your limits? Tell me and I'll give one commenter a book from my backlist!


  1. One thing I really don't like is being blindfolded. Not sure why. I know who's in the room with me and trust him but eek - no, don't want my eyes covered.

  2. I would have to say blood or bodily fluids. That just seems like it would be nasty. I can imagine the pain/pleasure combo but the other I just can't make that leap. Musicalfrog at comcast dot net

  3. Needle play, bathroom play and any kind of Daddy play icks me out.

    Smurfettev AT Gmail DOT com

  4. Soft Limits: Full-on back door play and handcuffs.
    Hard Limit: Needles, knives, and sharp things that draw blood.
    landra DOT graf 7 AT gmail DOT com

  5. i have a hard limit about being bound down. i can deal with someone holding onto me but no ropes or anything that i can't move or get out of, then i just panic and can't calm down. i should note that i have PTSD and severe anxiety anyways so i try and avoid my triggers. :) also don't care for the hot wax thing , just ouch. as for other limits, not sure yet. thank you for the great advice.