Finding Balance in BDSM

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By Jayson Locke

While writing The Perfect Sub I found myself thinking about balance. My submissive hero, Drew, isn’t submissive in every area of his life. He owns his own business. He hasn’t let his family’s rejection of him for being gay stop him from being a success. Drew balances the part of his life where he has to be in control with the parts of his life where he gives up all control to his Dominant. And his Dominant, Holt, doesn’t mind this at all.

I’ve read many books where the submissive gives up control of his entire life to his Dominant. I’ve read many books where the D/s dynamic is solely in the bedroom. The Perfect Sub lies somewhere in between. And from what I’ve seen and read of couples in the leather community, every level of D/s you can imagine exists. Part of what makes this community and lifestyle so attractive is its flexibility, its ability to be whatever each person needs. All you have to do is find a partner whose needs match yours.

Striking that balance in a book means that the author must delve into the psyche of each main character. Drew is in control of his business life. When he comes home, he wants to give up that control to his Dominant. He doesn’t want to be the decision maker. He enjoys following orders and pleasing his lover. Letting go of his control, giving it to another person is how he finds enjoyment in life. It is also how he gets off.

Holt, on the other hand, has a deep seated need to always be in control. As a fireman he understands the value of control. It helps him do his job and helps him save lives. In his relationship with Drew he thrives on making sure Drew has what he needs at all times. Every order he gives Drew is calculated to give his submissive pleasure whether it’s the simple pleasure of cooking a meal his Dominant enjoys or the pleasure of being bound and tied to a spanking bench.

Now, much of what I just wrote is about the relationship Drew and Holt build together off screen. You see it in action only in the epilogue. The meat of ThePerfect Sub is the 1Night Stand where Drew and Holt finally get together and the truth of their feelings for each other come to light. Madame Eve forces them together and that leads to them facing what has simmered between them unspoken and not acted upon for a year.

An author needs to show the reader why each character is who he is and when you write in the world of BDSM, the characters need to ring true. The motivations behind their behaviors must ring true. If they do not, readers don’t identify with them and they end up not liking the book. I’m sure some readers don’t like Drew because he lied for a year to get something he wanted. He forced himself to be perfect in order to win Holt. That’s some pretty selfish behavior. I’m also equally sure that some readers won’t like Holt because he saw something he wanted and didn’t go after it. Someone will think that’s not very Dominant behavior.

Finding and creating the balance in a BDSM story is imperative. Probably more so than in a non-kinky romance. There are elements at work in a BDSM story that the author has to incorporate and explain in a way that the reader understands without info-dumping. When it’s done right, readers come away with the sense that they know the characters.

That’s what I strived for with The Perfect Sub. Even in a short novella like this one, I wanted the readers to understand Drew and Holt, understand why they wanted each other and what they needed to do to make their relationship work.

If you’ve read my book, I welcome your comments about it. If you haven’t read ThePerfect Sub, let me know in comments and tell me who your favorite BDSM authors are. I’ll enter you into a drawing to win a copy of The Perfect Sub. The contest is open until midnight Eastern time on June 2nd. On June 3rd, I’ll post a winner in comments. 

Thank you for coming by to read my blog post. Have a kinky day!

Jayson Locke